Suddenly Enlightened

I was wondering why PND didn't rear its ugly head with for so long...then I realised I had been taking fish oil from when Alex was quite young to help his skin. Things didn't really start snowballing for me until after I stopped taking it!

AMAZING! Why didn't I think of this earlier? A bit of googling might be in order here.

A-ha! A link between omega-3 and depression - it seems there might be. So, I think I will start taking this again and continue to research!!!!

Will post more as I find more information.

Away to "the Farm"

Last week we went to stay with Matt's dad. We hadn't been to the farm for 2 years...definitely won't be waiting another 2 years to go back again.

It was great. Even though it took us 7 hours to get there (including 2 stops) the kids were great...no tears at all!! Once there we seemed to relax pretty much straight away. Time seemed to slow right down.

Sasha went out to feed the sheep every morning with her grandpa, had a ride in a tractor and in the side car of a motor bike. Alex got to crawl on the green grass (they can water the grass there) each day, while I lay in the shade. I did a bit of baking, a small amount of house work (swept the floor and washed dishes) and I even did a bit of knitting. It felt as though you could fit more into a day without time dragging!!

So come Friday it was time to come home. Sasha was not happy about that as she'd had such a great time!! The trip home was shorter (in time) as we only had to stop once...and again, the kids were really good. Phew!!

The next day, the kids and I went shopping. CRAZY!!! It was the day before Easter Sunday, and the day after Good Friday and every one was out! I felt so rushed, it was awful. We'd had such a lovely week and then I subjected ourselves to that...urgh! Driving home from the shops I couldn't help but start questioning, "what are we doing?" and "Is this sort of life healthy?".
We spend our time rushing about we don't stop to smell the roses, so to speak. Why is it that a change of scenery made all the difference? Or does it really? Is it just that we were on holidays?

Oh so Tired!!

What a huge week. There has not been one day where we have stayed at home all day!

Monday - kids went into occasional care for an hour while I went to the gym. Sasha didn't want to leave and Alex played happily for the whole time.

Tuesday - Sasha had kindagym, so Alex went into occasional care for that hour. It is so much easier giving Sasha all the attention she needs when I don't have to look after Alex at the same time...and he doesn't have to spend the hour sitting in his pram.

Wednesday - Play School concert. This was totally awesome. Sasha and I both loved it. She was so excited it was just beautiful to see. I was a little worried that I'd spent a lot of time looking forward to this and then end up feeling anxious/worrying about how things were going that I wouldn't just sit back and enjoy (this seems to happen to me a lot!!). Thankfully, I did. I wasn't worried about how Alex was coping and it was obvious Sasha was having a good time. The camera didn't make that many appearances either. I did just sit back and it was great.

Thursday - went to a Teddy Bears picnic at a park in Dandenong. A fair way to travel for such a thing but my mum "invited" us, and it was good to get an insight into some of what she does for work. Sasha was tired from the day before so there were a few tantrums, but I wasn't all that concerned and I wasn't even that concerned when Alex was enjoying a lovely blend of watermelon, grass and dirt.

Friday - Baby Time at the library.

Saturday - both Sasha and Alex had swimming lessons. Later in the afternoon I took Sasha back to the pool for a play as part of the swim schools Good Friday Appeal fundraiser. Sasha just loves the water and I love that she loves it, so have no problems encouraging her!!

Now, my kids and I are all exhausted after such a full on week. I'm proud that I didn't spend all week fretting about getting through such a busy week though!

Been a While

I can't believe it's been about a month since all this PND stuff came to light. It sort of doesn't seem real cos I've been feeling so "normal". Mind you, if I leave taking medication a bit later than I normally take it, my head starts to feel a bit heavy.

What else......oh, a few weeks ago, after things started to settle down again, I decided that maybe doing the same old sitting on the couch thing probably wasn't the best thing to do. So, I went and canceled my Curves membership (I love that place, but the opening hours weren't suiting me anymore so I wasn't going) and I joined the local leisure centre. I've been going to the gym about 3 times a week and actually sweating during a workout - it's awesome!! And I feel good after...gotta love those endorphins!!!!!

On the UP

It's been almost a week now since I started meds, and I have to say I am feeling like myself again. I must be calmer cos the number of 2 yo tantrums in our house has fallen significantly...well, so it seems to me. I knew Sasha was picking up on my moods and reacting accordingly!!!

So YAY, things are on the up!!!

Drugs, drugs, drugs

Taking that 1st tablet was a little daunting, especially after reading the information sheet with all the possible side effects. For example, "people taking XYDEP (same as zoloft) may be more likely to think about killing themselves or actually try to do so, especially when it is first started or the dose is changed"...EEK!!! Oh well, all in the name of feeling "better".

I was easily agitated (more than normal) for the 1st couple of days on meds. Every 2 yo tantrum had me heading of to my room saying, "I can't deal with this anymore" followed by telling myself "it's only the drugs"...which strangely seemed to help. Thankfully though, I didn't start having thoughts of self harm or worse!

Talk Time

I have a conversation with my mum where I mentioned going to the doctor about a rash I had all over me (was an allergic reaction to something). She asked me if I had talked about how I'd been feeling while I was there. I said no, wondering why I would even do that. She also brought up the dreaded "D" word....surely not...I'm just exhausted is all....isn't it normal to feel like I do when you have a baby and a toddler to look after?? Apparently not.

So, I have 2 choices here. I can just ignore my mum and carry on as is, or I can figure out exactly how I'm feeling and do something about it...The Road to a Healthier Me...I decide the later.

I went back to the doctors with the following list (so much easier to write it down than try to describe it and talk about it on the spot):
- I am constantly exhausted and if I could sleep all day I would.
- If I had a "day off" I don't think I would feel revived.
- I'm not enjoying my time with my kids. I find it draining and I find it hard to get motivated to do activities with them.
- I feel tied down and want to run away a lot...but at the same time wouldn't have things any other way (yes, sounds confusing).
- It's emotionally too easy to leave my beautiful boy with other people. It's a relief.
- I worry and feel anxious about little things.
- I don't really enjoy anything. Everything is a chore.
- Baby refusing feeds (he's breastfed) really gets me down.
- I'm extremely irritable.
- My memory is crap.
- At times it feels like my head is going to implode and I'm going to end up raving mad.

Doesn't look good to me. Mum (and my sister) were right and the doctor totally agreed. PND (post natal depression). Medication and counselling for the road to recovery.

So tired

I wonder if the physical unhappiness is a symptom of something more emotional or psychological????
I've been feeling so tired/exhausted lately it's not funny. I'm either counting down the hours until Matt gets home or dreading him leaving for work and then counting down the hours until the kids are in bed. I have no idea of how I get through each day...or how I'm going to get through the next day...argh. I'm really not having that much fun at all. I even started thinking about putting the kids in childcare and trying to do some casual/relief teaching just to get a break!

So the Journey Begins

When I first decided that I was going to have a go a writing a blog, I was feeling a little self loathing and in desperate need to get my butt into gear. No longer did I want to fell like the fat, frumpy mumma that I was turning into.
What sort of example was I setting for my children? How is it ok that I'm letting them believe that it's ok to spend the day sitting on the couch. I need to do something...for them and for me...so I no longer feel so bloated and so disgusted. So here begins my journey....the road to a healthier me!!